He's gone on offense

Our poor cat. Really, his life teeters on the thin line between well loved and SPCA report. Avery carries him, feeds him (forcefully), dresses him, and (attempts) to bathe him. This week he's taken a new approach. Offense.
If Avery gets within a 5 ft radius, he attacks. It's a swift little manuever followed by a dash to the highest object possible (to avoid retribution, I presume). Since it is summer, Avery has the battle wounds confirm this vicious little game.
T and I have discussed declawing the cat, but we feel claws are the one thing that keeps us on the well loved side of the thin line. We feel they are vital to the cats defense, but this new offense has really thrown us for a loop.
Suggestions?

15 minutes at our house

1. Noticed something a tad odd about the cat. "Avery, what did you do to Thomas." "Oh, Lipstick mommy." Great...I guess I'll be getting new lipstick. But it is really Thomas's color, we'll save the rest for him.

2. Avery notices that Eli sleeping in the buff (trying to help that diaper rash). "Ohhh, he's wearing the same jammies as daddy." I about lost it at that one. DH had NO idea Avery knew about that...guess he won't be wearing those "jammies" anymore!

Bribery

I'm most definately not above bribery. Tonight, I had a stroke of bribery genius.

T and I wanted to go out to dinner, but didn't plan enough ahead to get a sitter. I actually enjoy taking the kids along and believe it is important that children learn restaurant manners. However, Avery has a very hard time staying in her seat with the overstimulating decorations in restaurants. She wants to analyze every picture.

Nothing motivates Avery quiet like cold, hard cash. Sad, that at two we can't get away with an M&M or something. However, I took a dollar bill stuck it on the chair and told her to sit on it. I said if she got up, I'd be able to take it back and then it would be mine. If it was still there after dinner, then it was hers.

Easiest meal of our lives.

A real animal lover

Today, as we were heading out the door, Avery grabbed a stuffed dog. She also grabbed his cage. Then, she remembered he needed a water dish. At this point, I was so proud of my little animal lover. She's learned responsibility at this tender age. My heart swelled with love and that "I must be doing something right" feeling.

It lasted about 2 minutes. Then our live cat cried and I realized he'd been put in the dryer (not running thankfully, but probably because she can't reach the controls). That was a little buzz kill.

Cheated. My plan backfired.

When Avery was little, I made the horrific parenting flaw that all first time parents make. I encouraged mobility. I remember it clearly that I was a cheerleader and an instructor through the whole process. I also remember that first week of crawling that was so adorably cute. Then, slowly, came the realization that life would never be the same. I'd constantly have to follow behind her and say "No". I'd be vacuuming my floor every 10 minutes for fear that she'd find something.
So, when Eli came along, I (not so jokingly, but tried to make it sound jokingly) told our pediatrician that I would not be encouraging his mobility. It was with shock, awe, and disappointment that at 5 months old my boy started attempting to crawl. What is up with that?
Now, at the ripe old age of 6 months the boy is definately fully on the move. Crazy. Even with all of the encouragement, crawling lessons, and cheerleading, Avery didn't crawl until 9 months. I do NOTHING to encourage this boy to crawl and the sucker figures it out at 6 months.

****Disclaimer****
Just want to make it clear that I completely understand what an amazing blessing it is that my baby has the ability to crawl. He could have come out of my womb crawling and I would have thanked God.

It just makes sense

Avery has a few things (okay more than a few) confused. However, her logic is so much better than conventional logic that I can't even explain it to her without confusing myself a little. So, in order to make things simple, I'm just going to try to change the thinking of the world and allow Avery's logic to remain. I'm pretty sure I'll be more successful that way.

Consider yourself warned:
The thing cowboys ride on are cows, not horses.
Unicorns don't have horns on their head, they have corns.

If you could, please spread the word.

Not that I'm prejudice or anything

I do believe some syllables are more important than others. Avery is going through this thing where she sometimes will leave off the last syllable of a word. When she says "Mom", instead of "Mommy"....not a big deal at all. However, if you happen to be a Target with an incrediably friendly two year old, the last syllable of "Hello" is much, much more vital. Especially when she says it over and over and over. I'm sure of this because I saw the looks. Lots of them.

Fashion advice

Normally, I would care. However, this morning I was exhausted from being out late watching fireworks. It wasn't worth the fight. If this is how she wants to dress....fine. Luckily she was just going to my mom and dad's to be watched. If nothing else, she was prepared for a sudden downpour.

An art lesson with Avery

No, we aren't talking about cubism or impressionism. We're talking the art of manipulation.
Here is the conversation I overheard while at my sisters house.

Avery- "Mmmmm, these are reawy good chips" (Doritos)
Aunt C- "You like them?"
Avery- "Yeah, Aunt C has the best chips."
Aunt C- "Awww, that sweet."
Avery- "Mommy never buys these nummy chips." (ummm, just to interject..I DO buy them)
Aunt C- "She doesn't?"
Avery- "No, these are reawy nummy"
Aunt C- "Well, maybe you should take the bag home."
Avery- "Otay."

Yes folks, she did bring the Doritos home. And a few chocolate chip cookies and a bunny that my sister had in her garden. I'm pretty sure my sister didn't know what hit her when we were leaving. Good thing we left when we did.

Everyone has their weakness

For some people it is alcohol, some cigarettes, others gambling. Not me. It's this guy.

This little guy makes my heart just melt. He's the happiest baby on the block and the no cry sleep solution all rolled up in one. Just look at him and he smiles at you. God, I love him!

NOW, I remember why.

Do you ever have the moments why you wonder why you do something? Then, you think about it and realize maybe you do it that way because that is how you've always done it. Maybe this time it would be okay to change things up a bit. It happened to me today.

I decided that I'd go to the bathroom and *gasp* shut the door behind me. What a glorious minute and a half of privacy and freedom that was! It was nice to not be given a play by play of my movements or answer questions like "You poopin' mommy? Is it a big poop?" It was quiet, peaceful, and serene.

Then, this poor little face that greeted me was the reminder on why I rarely go to the bathroom by myself and by all means don't shut the door if I do.


Poor kid. And the culprit was caught "green handed" and very, very proud of herself.

You got to love it...

Sorry folks, I'm feeling kind of sappy today so bear with me. I just have to say that T is the best daddy in the world. Right now he is re-laying our brick patio (not sure why...when he talks landscaping, I just hear "wah, wah, wah wah wah, wah wah"). However, he encourages Avery's "help" (that term is very, very generous). Instead of getting her out of the way and just getting the job done, he wants it to be their project together. I just love it! All too often, I feel, that little girls get pushed to the side while daddy's do "manly" tasks. I love that T engages Avery and encourages her along the way.
On T's way home from work there is one of those billboards that says, "Have you been a father today?" T always tells me how sad it makes him that some dads need a billboard. Even with a billboard...some dads just don't get it.
So, how has your man (or you...if you are a dad) been a father today?

Memories are made of this

Today, my sister and I took our kids to a drive-thru wildlife “safari”. Now pretty much anytime you take six kids somewhere, there is a decent chance something memorable will happen.

We get there and while we are in line to start our drive through the park, we allowed the kids to get out of their seats and come up to the front (we went less than 5 mph the whole time). This allowed them the opportunity to feed the animals. Sounds cool, right? And considering I coughed up $6 for a 2 lb bag of carrots, I wanted them to get the full experience.

This kind looking gentleman was our first customer…We called him Luey.

The kids blew about a pound and a half of carrots on him and so we had to roll up our windows to escape him, but he continued to follow us our entire drive. He’d “attack” us from behind and all the sudden there he’d be with his head in my lap. The first time this happened was the point that my darling decided she was done with the festivities of the day and assumed this position for the rest of our adventure:

This next portion of our adventure, definitely elicited the most giggles. Check out the tongue on that sucker. It will also be the reason that tomorrow I am steam cleaning the car. You can’t be sticking your tongue out like that and not dribbling saliva. Ack.

Of the six kids in the car, four of them were screaming when this guy stuck his head in to say howdy. This would be the point when my windows malfunctioned and would not roll up. To say it wasn’t pretty, is putting it nicely. Can you imagine four screaming kids (Avery included), this not entirely friendly fellow, and a window that will not go up. Ahhh…the kids will remember that for sometime.

But in the end…even through the screaming kids, buffalo head in my van, $6 carrots, giraffe saliva, and the sneak attacks by Luey this is how I’ll remember the day. This picture was at the small petting zoo they also had to visit. This folks is what it is all about:

Quite the little "helper"

I hope you folks are up for another one of these!

So, as if yesterday's gag inducing (hey...I'm weak) poop event wasn't enough, Avery trumped me today.

The words, "Mommy, I changed Eli's diaper" should not elict sounds of "Awwww" or "What a sweetie". Your first thought should be, "Aww Crap!" (no pun intended).

When faced with circumstances such as this, it is best to immediately survey the damage (and my, was there damage). Eli was in the pack-n-play. Which, if you are unaware, has to be THE hardest possible piece of baby gear to clean. I'm not sure words could adequately express how horrific a sight I encountered. I'm sorry to say the first thing that popped into my mind was, "Now THIS is a Kodak moment!". It was much closer to...."Yikes, get that out of his hand before he eats it."

I'm lucky I didn't vomit. I'm pretty sure the only thing that prevented that from happening was the thought that it would just be one more thing I had to clean up and I was already at capacity.

And, FYI...After bathing the boy (no I didn't use Clorox...but I was tempted), I put the pack N play in a trash bag and took it to the carwash. Nothing a little high pressured water didn't take care off (okay, yeah, I'm still a tad freaked out by the thing, but I'm trying to think positive).

I'm certainly hoping that's the end of poop stories for a while...as I am sure you are too!

You might call it progress

Potty training. Argh. If kids came potty trained, I fear the overpopulation problem would be far, far worse.

Today, little Avery decided it would be a diaper free day. She was wearing an adorable green dress. At one point as I'm busy entertaining Eli, she ran off to "go potty". Well, that just made every bit of the mommy in me burst with joy.

The "Uh Oh" came a bit later. I'm not sure if there are more terrifying words in the English language, but I know those two are high, high upon the list. I figured she didn't make it. Had that been the problem, I should have considered myself lucky.

Knowing to pulling up one's dress is apparently a learned activity. A very vital part of potting training that I neglected to teach. And, while very proud that my daughter finally pooped on the potty, she didn't poop into the potty.

The mess created was of near epic porportions. Greatly compounded by the fact that the only way to remove the dress was over the head.

She needs her brother back...

FYI, for those not aware, Izaac is in Florida visiting his bio-mom for his summer visitation.
Avery needs him back. More acurately, Thomas (the kitty) needs Izaac back. Avery has appointed Thomas to fill Izaac's very big shoes.
Just now, it was a game of tag. Apparently, Thomas was supposed to be "it". Avery says, "Tag me." When the poor kitty didn't listen, Avery did what most 2 y.o.s would do....tell him louder. And then louder. And louder. And louder. Then she tattled on him.
Since tag didn't work, she moved on to hide and seek. Thomas failed both the hiding and seeking portions of the test. The not seeking really threw her in a tissy. Now she isn't talking to Thomas.
And I think Thomas is quite happy with that arrangement!

Man, I love this age

I can't narrow it down to what I love most about 2 year olds, but high up on the list has to be hearing the mispronounciations she comes up with.
Here are a few of my favorites:
Flamingo---- "Flabango bird"
Avery Jade---- "Wavy Gade"
Eli----------- "E-why"
Izaac--------- "Icee"
I also love making her say them over and over and over again. I don't have the heart to correct her. Plus, it is so stinkin cute anyway.

We're going with door #2

So, I admit that I procrastinated a bit. Yesterday, I ask Avery what we should get daddy for Father's Day. Her first suggestion was a "shiny new black truck". Now considering my ridiculous Mother's Day gift and budget, that wasn't going to fly. I asked if she had any other ideas. She says with great enthusiasm, "Socks!" I'm pretty sure someone had been feeding her a gift idea . Good thing I've got an enthusiastic traitor on my hands.

Talking back

I'm sure this doesn't bode well for the teenage years. Avery's started talking back. So far it is just to toys, but it has happened more than once. This morning was the perfect example. She has this little shape sorter with a baking theme. This morning she put one of that shapes in and it said, "Want to bake with me?" She got all exasperated and says, "Noooooo, I'm plaaaaaaaying now." Yep, good girl stand up for your right to play. Stupid toy was trying to get her to go bake. I'm sure some man designed it so the future generations of men have a "good" wife. There's no tricking her with that little piece of psychological warfare.

What was I thinking???

I once heard a saying along these lines, "A day at the beach with children is just a change of scenery...not a day at the beach." Yep, that parent must have had kids just like mine. I haven't been brave enough to take my tribe to the beach...I was just trying to enjoy a day at my parent's pool.

The first issue arose when it took over twenty minutes to get things set up while two little ones screamed from their carseats. I wanted to have the pack and play set up to be able to put Eli in, get the rope up between the deep end and the shallow end, and make sure there wasn't anything laying around the kids shouldn't have. You would have thought they were never fed or something, they yelled so loud.

Then, I unload them and I'm trying to wrestle them into swim diapers. Mistake number one was putting Avery's on first because she was ready to jump in that second. So, I'm trying to hold her with one arm and change the wiggly worm with one. Then I discover the little surprise in his diaper. Nice. So, I close it up and drag both kids (screaming and kicking (only one....but the big one)) to the car for wet wipes. Finally get the swim diapers on and we are set to go.

Then between holding, worrying, feeding, and tantrums I didn't enjoy myself a bit. Not a second. Someone was crying 86% of the time (only about 2% attributal to me).

So, when Avery tells me tonight that, "Swimming was fun, let's go tomorrow!" I just had to chuckle.