Tuesday, July 31, 2007
If Avery gets within a 5 ft radius, he attacks. It's a swift little manuever followed by a dash to the highest object possible (to avoid retribution, I presume). Since it is summer, Avery has the battle wounds confirm this vicious little game.
T and I have discussed declawing the cat, but we feel claws are the one thing that keeps us on the well loved side of the thin line. We feel they are vital to the cats defense, but this new offense has really thrown us for a loop.
Friday, July 27, 2007
2. Avery notices that Eli sleeping in the buff (trying to help that diaper rash). "Ohhh, he's wearing the same jammies as daddy." I about lost it at that one. DH had NO idea Avery knew about that...guess he won't be wearing those "jammies" anymore!
Friday, July 20, 2007
T and I wanted to go out to dinner, but didn't plan enough ahead to get a sitter. I actually enjoy taking the kids along and believe it is important that children learn restaurant manners. However, Avery has a very hard time staying in her seat with the overstimulating decorations in restaurants. She wants to analyze every picture.
Nothing motivates Avery quiet like cold, hard cash. Sad, that at two we can't get away with an M&M or something. However, I took a dollar bill stuck it on the chair and told her to sit on it. I said if she got up, I'd be able to take it back and then it would be mine. If it was still there after dinner, then it was hers.
Easiest meal of our lives.
Monday, July 16, 2007
It lasted about 2 minutes. Then our live cat cried and I realized he'd been put in the dryer (not running thankfully, but probably because she can't reach the controls). That was a little buzz kill.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
So, when Eli came along, I (not so jokingly, but tried to make it sound jokingly) told our pediatrician that I would not be encouraging his mobility. It was with shock, awe, and disappointment that at 5 months old my boy started attempting to crawl. What is up with that?
Now, at the ripe old age of 6 months the boy is definately fully on the move. Crazy. Even with all of the encouragement, crawling lessons, and cheerleading, Avery didn't crawl until 9 months. I do NOTHING to encourage this boy to crawl and the sucker figures it out at 6 months.
Just want to make it clear that I completely understand what an amazing blessing it is that my baby has the ability to crawl. He could have come out of my womb crawling and I would have thanked God.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Consider yourself warned:
The thing cowboys ride on are cows, not horses.
Unicorns don't have horns on their head, they have corns.
If you could, please spread the word.
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Normally, I would care. However, this morning I was exhausted from being out late watching fireworks. It wasn't worth the fight. If this is how she wants to dress....fine. Luckily she was just going to my mom and dad's to be watched. If nothing else, she was prepared for a sudden downpour.
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Here is the conversation I overheard while at my sisters house.
Avery- "Mmmmm, these are reawy good chips" (Doritos)
Aunt C- "You like them?"
Avery- "Yeah, Aunt C has the best chips."
Aunt C- "Awww, that sweet."
Avery- "Mommy never buys these nummy chips." (ummm, just to interject..I DO buy them)
Aunt C- "She doesn't?"
Avery- "No, these are reawy nummy"
Aunt C- "Well, maybe you should take the bag home."
Yes folks, she did bring the Doritos home. And a few chocolate chip cookies and a bunny that my sister had in her garden. I'm pretty sure my sister didn't know what hit her when we were leaving. Good thing we left when we did.
Monday, July 2, 2007
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
I decided that I'd go to the bathroom and *gasp* shut the door behind me. What a glorious minute and a half of privacy and freedom that was! It was nice to not be given a play by play of my movements or answer questions like "You poopin' mommy? Is it a big poop?" It was quiet, peaceful, and serene.
Then, this poor little face that greeted me was the reminder on why I rarely go to the bathroom by myself and by all means don't shut the door if I do.
Poor kid. And the culprit was caught "green handed" and very, very proud of herself.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
On T's way home from work there is one of those billboards that says, "Have you been a father today?" T always tells me how sad it makes him that some dads need a billboard. Even with a billboard...some dads just don't get it.
So, how has your man (or you...if you are a dad) been a father today?
Friday, June 22, 2007
We get there and while we are in line to start our drive through the park, we allowed the kids to get out of their seats and come up to the front (we went less than 5 mph the whole time). This allowed them the opportunity to feed the animals. Sounds cool, right? And considering I coughed up $6 for a 2 lb bag of carrots, I wanted them to get the full experience.
This kind looking gentleman was our first customer…We called him Luey.
The kids blew about a pound and a half of carrots on him and so we had to roll up our windows to escape him, but he continued to follow us our entire drive. He’d “attack” us from behind and all the sudden there he’d be with his head in my lap. The first time this happened was the point that my darling decided she was done with the festivities of the day and assumed this position for the rest of our adventure:
This next portion of our adventure, definitely elicited the most giggles. Check out the tongue on that sucker. It will also be the reason that tomorrow I am steam cleaning the car. You can’t be sticking your tongue out like that and not dribbling saliva. Ack.
Of the six kids in the car, four of them were screaming when this guy stuck his head in to say howdy. This would be the point when my windows malfunctioned and would not roll up. To say it wasn’t pretty, is putting it nicely. Can you imagine four screaming kids (Avery included), this not entirely friendly fellow, and a window that will not go up. Ahhh…the kids will remember that for sometime.
But in the end…even through the screaming kids, buffalo head in my van, $6 carrots, giraffe saliva, and the sneak attacks by Luey this is how I’ll remember the day. This picture was at the small petting zoo they also had to visit. This folks is what it is all about:
Thursday, June 21, 2007
So, as if yesterday's gag inducing (hey...I'm weak) poop event wasn't enough, Avery trumped me today.
The words, "Mommy, I changed Eli's diaper" should not elict sounds of "Awwww" or "What a sweetie". Your first thought should be, "Aww Crap!" (no pun intended).
When faced with circumstances such as this, it is best to immediately survey the damage (and my, was there damage). Eli was in the pack-n-play. Which, if you are unaware, has to be THE hardest possible piece of baby gear to clean. I'm not sure words could adequately express how horrific a sight I encountered. I'm sorry to say the first thing that popped into my mind was, "Now THIS is a Kodak moment!". It was much closer to...."Yikes, get that out of his hand before he eats it."
I'm lucky I didn't vomit. I'm pretty sure the only thing that prevented that from happening was the thought that it would just be one more thing I had to clean up and I was already at capacity.
And, FYI...After bathing the boy (no I didn't use Clorox...but I was tempted), I put the pack N play in a trash bag and took it to the carwash. Nothing a little high pressured water didn't take care off (okay, yeah, I'm still a tad freaked out by the thing, but I'm trying to think positive).
I'm certainly hoping that's the end of poop stories for a while...as I am sure you are too!
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Today, little Avery decided it would be a diaper free day. She was wearing an adorable green dress. At one point as I'm busy entertaining Eli, she ran off to "go potty". Well, that just made every bit of the mommy in me burst with joy.
The "Uh Oh" came a bit later. I'm not sure if there are more terrifying words in the English language, but I know those two are high, high upon the list. I figured she didn't make it. Had that been the problem, I should have considered myself lucky.
Knowing to pulling up one's dress is apparently a learned activity. A very vital part of potting training that I neglected to teach. And, while very proud that my daughter finally pooped on the potty, she didn't poop into the potty.
The mess created was of near epic porportions. Greatly compounded by the fact that the only way to remove the dress was over the head.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Avery needs him back. More acurately, Thomas (the kitty) needs Izaac back. Avery has appointed Thomas to fill Izaac's very big shoes.
Just now, it was a game of tag. Apparently, Thomas was supposed to be "it". Avery says, "Tag me." When the poor kitty didn't listen, Avery did what most 2 y.o.s would do....tell him louder. And then louder. And louder. And louder. Then she tattled on him.
Since tag didn't work, she moved on to hide and seek. Thomas failed both the hiding and seeking portions of the test. The not seeking really threw her in a tissy. Now she isn't talking to Thomas.
And I think Thomas is quite happy with that arrangement!
Here are a few of my favorites:
Flamingo---- "Flabango bird"
Avery Jade---- "Wavy Gade"
I also love making her say them over and over and over again. I don't have the heart to correct her. Plus, it is so stinkin cute anyway.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Friday, June 15, 2007
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
The first issue arose when it took over twenty minutes to get things set up while two little ones screamed from their carseats. I wanted to have the pack and play set up to be able to put Eli in, get the rope up between the deep end and the shallow end, and make sure there wasn't anything laying around the kids shouldn't have. You would have thought they were never fed or something, they yelled so loud.
Then, I unload them and I'm trying to wrestle them into swim diapers. Mistake number one was putting Avery's on first because she was ready to jump in that second. So, I'm trying to hold her with one arm and change the wiggly worm with one. Then I discover the little surprise in his diaper. Nice. So, I close it up and drag both kids (screaming and kicking (only one....but the big one)) to the car for wet wipes. Finally get the swim diapers on and we are set to go.
Then between holding, worrying, feeding, and tantrums I didn't enjoy myself a bit. Not a second. Someone was crying 86% of the time (only about 2% attributal to me).
So, when Avery tells me tonight that, "Swimming was fun, let's go tomorrow!" I just had to chuckle.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
I'm not sure you realize it or not, but Avery is not my only child. She says by far the funniest stuff at this point, but there are two other children that I'm doing a pretty decent job of screwing up.
Eli is nearing 6 months old. He's got a problem. It's been a problem his whole baby life. It's his cheeks. They are big cheeks. My sister calls them jowls (like on a dog) because they hang off of his face from time to time.
Poor baby can't smile very long because those suckers are heavy. Worst of all, they are about the most kissable thing I've ever, ever seen. Pure kissing bliss. Don't you just want to smoosh your lips against these suckers???
All I have in response is that I get to pick his nursing home so he'd better use his "rights" wisely.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Okay, who asked her opinion and where did she learn about "laying on the gas"?
And...FYI, I usually only go 5 mph over the limit. And most of the time when I'm going faster it is because a certain someone or their little brother is stinking up the van.
Thursday, June 7, 2007
personification- n. 1. a personifying or being personified 2. a person or a thing thought of as representing some quality, thing, or idea; embodiment; 3. a figure of speech in which a thing, quality, or idea is represented as a person
Okay, got that? Basically, it is when you give something human characteristics. Something, like say a scraped knee.
So, we're in Target picking up essentials like diapers, wipes, formula, and smoothie mix (if you haven't tried their smoothies...you don't know why I'm classifying them as essentials, but if you have tried them you know what I mean). Avery, again, refuses to ride in the cart. At one point near the shoe polish, she trips over herself and falls hurting herself. At this point, she decides the cart isn't such a bad place.
Then it starts. "Owwwww...you're hurting me." "Please stop hurting me, I'll be good and ride in the cart." "Owwww...you're hurting me." "Pleeeease, stop." She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the wound. Do you think the person in the next aisle over knew that my child is gifted and had mastered the art of personification at two? Doubtful. I'm pretty sure he thought that I was beating her. And as she continued pleading with the wound to stop hurting her throughout the rest of our Target shopping experience, I'm pretty sure quite a few others thought so too.
And that, my friends, is your literary lesson of the day.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
"My dad is a landscaper. My step-mom says that you wouldn't be able to tell it from our yard. She says she's glad dad isn't a plumber because we'd be in a whole heap of trouble. It's not fun being the son of a landscaper. Some landscapers have walnut trees. Some landscapers like to have their sons pick up walnuts that fall from those trees. My dad makes lawns look beautiful."
I just love how that last sentence really sums up the paragragh don't you???
Avery has been coming to our bed in the middle of the night. Not for any reason, but to cuddle in and fall right back to sleep. DH in all of his parenting genius told Avery that if she stayed in her bed at night, he'd get her a kitty. How's that for a reward? Idiot. So, miracle of all miracles, she stayed in her bed all night that very night. Can you say master daddy manipulator? First thing she said when she woke up was, "Where's my kitty." Umm, score one for the two year old.
First thing she tells my mom when I drop her off, "Daddy is bringing me a kitty today." So, I call my DH and told him Avery fully expects a kitty. Today. Black. It darn well be a kitten and not a cat. Per the girl's specifications. Litter trained. Per the wife's order.
So, DH spends all day trying to find a kitty. A black one. Kitten, not a cat. Today. Litter trained. No luck. Comes in the door tonight and Avery runs yelling, "You got my kitty?" At which point a look of total defeat crosses my DH's face. Score two, for the two year old.
He had actually found her a black kitten. Only problem was it was stuffed. She didn't buy it. Score three, for the two year old.He expands his search to a neighboring community. Finds a kitten. Litter-trained. Black and white. Loads up Avery and off they go to see if he'll meet the requirements. I remind DH that if this kitty is up to the inspectors specifications that he needs to get food, a litter box, and litter.
They come back a bit later. Kitty in hand as well as a litterbox, food, and litter. And also cat bed, collar, and numerous cat toys. Can you say sucker? Score another one (I've lost track) for the two year old. DH had said that the kitten was "free to a good home"....umm yeah, how did that work out for you buddy?
As they walk in the door, who gets to meet the kitty first???? Mommy? Izaac? Eli? Remember what this post started out to be about? The fish. Poor guy. He's had it rough as it is and things are just starting to calm down. He hasn't needed any fish therapy in weeks. So, Avery presses poor kitty's face to the aquarium and introduces them. Now that Avery's gone to bed, I've tried to explain to the fish about a possible opening in the witness protection program, but he was too distraught.
Another Avery funny: She was showing the kitty and I all of the "tuf" her and her dad had gotten at the store. She pointed to the bed and said "sleep" and then pointed to the litter box and said "poop". I'm pretty sure the kitty understood.
Friday, June 1, 2007
My sister is the craziest person, or at least I shink she's a person. She will attack if you sit on the floor or put you in a nelson if you sit on the couch. She never leaves me alone, sometimes she even busts in on me in the bathroom. I hope my sister is human, but still I wouldn't want to lose her.
My thoughts after reading this:
1. Who's scrapbook does this go in....Avery's or Izaac's?
2. Ummmm, buddy, that nelson thing is totally your own fault.
3. Yeah, the bathroom thing happens to me too.
4. Pretty sure she's human, but I too have had my doubts.
5. I wouldn't want to lose her either....or him!Stay tuned for the next installment of Izaac's writing...he's WAY funnier than I am!
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
DH was helping my dad with something, so I was flying solo with the two little ones. We have a very nice, rather expensive double stroller that my little "angel" occasionally views a torture device. So, of course, since I was flying solo....it was one of those occasions. Fine, she could walk (considering in her flailing she was liable to injure our perfectly well behaved little man).
While we were standing around waiting for things to get going she started complaining about her sandals. Well, I'm no dummy (ha ha), I had a spare pair of shoes in the car. Those shoes were apparently nine thousand times worse. Me, being the Love and Logic loving parent that I am decided, "Fine, walk barefoot". Thinking there is no way that she'd walk a mile barefoot. Either the shoes or the stroller would win.
Now here is where I need to interject that my daughter is the most strong willed person I've ever met. I fully expect her to go on a two year hunger strike to end the use of Q-tips if the feeling strikes her. I should also add that my very good friend had to work and had called me that morning asking if her DH could tag along with me at the parade so I could "help" him (you girls know that men aren't always capable of taking a little one in public right?).
Not even a quarter of the way there, Avery stubs her toe. I know it hurt her, but she has far too much pride to admit defeat and wince. At this point, she begins leaving DNA evidence (AKA blood) throughout the town of obvious parental neglect (making a two year old walk barefoot over a mile). So, I make multiple attempts to either 1) pick her up and carry her, 2) put her in the stroller or 3) put one of the perfectly good pairs of shoes on. No, not my daughter. Thank God, we live in a small town and most of the people around us were family friends (who were getting a huge laugh about this....Avery's perserverance was common knowledge....this incident, I believe, bumped it up to legendary). And, my friends DH, he just kept saying how this was proof that they only need one child.